The vision of my shadow cast, over my vanquished foe.
His lifeless form lay at my feet, I weep at this memory strong.
I remember his body close to mine, now it twisted, contorted, destroyed.
And as I recall his defeated life, it haunts me.
Then I weep.
We had briefly looked at each others' face, from across that war crushed field.
But then to stand and in battle rage we launched, to fight and to engaged.
Til one death came and, in the mud, it was he not me that lay.
Was it just by chance, by narrow luck, my death blow found him first.
The fleeting thought it was him or me, perhaps my will to live.
Helped nothing less, I survived that day,
for sure it was not grit or skill.
In doubt and mistrust of chance, my number not listed then.
More likely that I ducked the Reaper's reach,
unlike that poor soul now departed.
So he became the one of dust and of someone else’s loss.
For me the punishment was to remain, and here confused,
I weep.
For many years he stayed a memory removed, then on this day crept in.
What if it had been a different place, a different time as well.
We might be friends where I met his Mum, his Wife, his love.
And his smile and laugh the only memorial, instead of what is with me now,
the vision of my triumph clear and haunts my memory long.
The image of his deconstruct, and I weep and weep my tears.
No one near can understand, or realise my mind in pain.
For them what they see as none material, is real for me each day.
And with this legacy and then why unrestrained, I find, I weep again.
Searching now I recognise; it is not for him I weep.
But deeply, clearly in my mind, a recognition of cost.
Yet now is one thing to which I cling, a hope, a rippling thought.
And appreciate as to why so deep I weep like a lost cause.
Why in folded, collapsed, dishevelled remorse, of grief, despair and loss.
Regret now unwinding, what slowly speaks and emerging what I see,
Is these tears that form are now of a man.
A man who as he weeps, comes to see,
in each tear a signalled return of my humanity.
Words and images copyright 2022 Kevin Palmer